A little about me....hmmm....where to begin?

I titled my blog Asbergers, Tummy Time and Corn. I thought it was a perfect title since my life circles around those three items. I have two children. My 10 year old son has Asbergers and my little 4 month old daughter hates tummy time with a passion. You put her on her tummy and she now will roll right off it and give you a grin. Pretty sure she has my since of smarty pants humor and stubborn streak. Actually pretty sure both of my kids have those qualities. The corn part of the title is because I live in the land of corn. I have never seen so much corn in my entire life. I was unaware of just how much they grow and all of the things it can be made into. My kids even have dishes made out of corn!! No joke. Its part of my living  a green and crunchy lifestyle.
So now a little about me and where I am at. I thought about just how far back I should go to give you a better understanding. The good news for you is I only went back a year. I suppose I could have dug deep and gone back to my childhood. But I will spare you some of those details. But for the record I was an adorable stubborn little princess who loved dresses and horses. Okay Okay Okay moving on.
This time last year I was a newly wed mother with a 9 year old son living in Phoenix and loving my career as a practice manager of a specialty physical therapy office. I went to work everyday with my best friend and loved it. I saw my mother quite often and lived the hectic city life. Running around picking up Billy and dropping Billy off at daycare before and after school on my way back and forth from work. Always having places to go and people to see. We had just shared the news with friends and family that I was pregnant. That was the good news that seemed to make everyone happy. However it was bittersweet to some because we had just announced we were moving to Indiana. The goal behind the move to Indiana was to be closer to the larger part of the family which was all new to me since they were my new in laws. I also wanted to raise my kids out of the city. I wanted them to be closer to nature and closer to each other. I wanted them to have a childhood closer to mine.  Moving to Indiana would allow me to take my job with me and work from home. Which would allow me more time to spend with the baby when she came.
I guess in my head I pictured this happy little mid west family thriving and growing. What it soon became was a mid west family surviving and struggling to find its way. The first part of the move was not to difficult. It was exciting to see everything that was new and we got caught up in looking forward to the baby's birth. Got Billy started in his new school and looked forward to our first winter and holiday moments with the family in Michigan. We prepared the baby's room and shopped a lot! We welcomed her with tears and joyfully smiled when watching Billy snuggle with her on the couch. But after that excitement wore off I found myself struggling with who I had become and just how to fit in the world around me. I was no longer the career woman who spent 5 hours a day with her child rushing to get dinner on the table and school work done in time for baths and bedtime. I now try to get work done with a baby on my hip and a son going through some challenges. My goal is to get my teeth brushed and out of pajamas each day. But some days that just does not happen. We have been here almost a full year now and I feel as though I live in a bubble. I suppose my best friend has become the guilt that I feel for leaving. Not for leaving Arizona but for leaving my mother and my best friend. Guilt is such a powerful feeling and seems like such a hard obstacle to overcome. I recognize that its there. I realize that in order to make a better life for my family and myself that I have to let go of it......I am just not sure how to say goodbye to it. Like I said it has become my friend. It has filled up the spaces left empty by leaving.